


It's Not Always That Easy

by HookedonCS



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-12
Updated: 2014-06-15
Packaged: 2018-02-04 09:44:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1774606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HookedonCS/pseuds/HookedonCS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No matter how good things seem, no matter what happiness is in her life, Emma knows that it’s something that doesn’t come so simply. Her childhood has taught her to be cautious. And sometimes she doesn’t know how to accept the gifts life affords her. That may mean even pushing those gifts away in hopes of saving herself the pain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_Good things only come in brief moments. That is what her life has always been. She never had the constant assurance that life is a gift full of guaranteed happiness. And no matter how hard she worked at happiness and fulfillment, it still did not guarantee that she could rely on those moments to continue so blissfully _.__

_That is what Emma Swan had learned as she grew up in the foster care system, abandoned at birth for whatever reasons. That is what she came to know as truth as she was once again abandoned by the one person who meant everything to her. Losing Neal and going to jail was a harsh reality that only confirmed her beliefs on life: she was on her own in and there was always time to watch the other shoe fall from somewhere._

_Finding out that she was pregnant while in jail was just the cherry on top. Giving her son away, not even daring to look at him because she knew… ___

And then she was alone again. But that was for the best, because those brief moments of happiness could not outweigh the heaviness that pain brought to her. It wasn’t worth it…

_“You gave your ship up for me?” ___

_“Aye.” ___

_He would regret it. How could he not? How could this man who spent basically his entire life with his ship give it away so easily and not regret it? And given up for what? Domesticity?_

_His stare reached the large body of water, every moment missing what he’s given up. Every moment missing the smell of sea and salt and adventure. In place of his old life was a tiny apartment in a tiny city in this tiny world. And her. ___

_“This is not what I signed up for.” It was a realization that was bit out with disgust. ___

_He looks disgusted. And she feels hurt. She never claimed to be anything she was not. She never claimed to be the better deal between her and the ship. And yet here she was, paying the price for his sudden realization… ___

Emma’s eyes opened wide and she gasped in a breath of air. Her heartbeat, she noticed, was more rapid than normal.

“It was that dream again,” she muttered to herself, looking around her bedroom. Taking notice of herself she saw the bed sheets had become entangled around her. In her fit of worried sleep she must have had been tossing and turning.

The dream. It was the… fourth time she had dreamed of his mistake. The fourth time the walls had begun to close in on her and her past, present and future. The fourth time that she woke up knowing that something was wrong.

“God, I can’t keep doing this.”

Emma let her eyes blink rapidly, trying to push away the feelings of all things bad in her life. And the tears still brimmed her eyes. 

She took in another deep steadying breath, eyes moving rapidly, trying to calm down. With a hiccupped breath she let her body fall back down to the bed. She cradled her pillow with tight fist. 

“Just a moment,” she murmured to herself. “Just a moment.” And then she would be okay.

********

“Hey.”

Emma looked up to see her Mary Margaret peeking in through the nursery’s doorway.

“Guess who’s here!” she said with a bright smile.

At that alone Emma could feel her heart start beating a little faster. Her hold on her little brother tightened and she began to gently bounce him up and down.

“Who?”

Mary Margaret walked into the nursery, her eyes fixating on baby Neal.

“Oh, it’s Killian. Give me the baby and go down to meet him.”

_Dammit, _Emma thought as she saw her mother’s intent was to take the baby from her. She reluctantly lessened her grip and let Neal, bundled up tightly in his blanket, go to his mother.__

“Did he say what he was doing here?” she asked, trying to tamper down the negativity building up in her.

Mary Margaret cooed down at Neal, holding him close and breathing in his scent.

“Well, he’s here to see you.” She looked back up at Emma and the frown immediately replaced her glow. “Why? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Emma answered quickly. Maybe too quickly. She shook her head. “I wasn’t expecting him to come here. I mean I’m on my way to work. Why is he…?”

“What is going on with the two of you, Emma?” Mary Margaret asked in a rushed whisper. 

“Nothing.” Again, maybe too quickly. Emma turned away from her mother, looking out of the doorway.

She silently took a deep breath. She didn’t want to see him right now. Why was he here? Could she not go just a few hours to just ruminate and think about how she was going to handle this situation without having to do it in his face? Apparently, no.

“We’ll walk down with you,” Mary Margaret told her.

Emma looked over her shoulder. “Ok.”

He was standing next to David, pouring over something that was on the table. Maybe some kind of document that was holding David’s attention at the moment. He had an air of slight amusement by whatever David had been talking about. 

Their friendship seemed genuine, the pirate and the prince. And for that Emma was grateful. Looking at him he didn’t seem to be all consumed by boredom or dissatisfaction. If only she could get those dreams out of her head.

But she couldn’t. He couldn’t be happy…

“Emma, love.”

She was shaken from her thoughts, thank God, because they were going someplace she didn’t want to.

Killian’s smile was big and the twinkle in his eyes should have been enough.

“What are you doing here so bright and early?” Emma asked as she tried to tamper down the doubt that was flowing through her.

His smile grew. “Actually, Dave has recruited me for some task down at the sheriff’s station. I am to accompany him there.” He held his hand out towards her. “Meeting you here was just a bonanza. Good morning.”

Emma forced a smile. “Good morning.” She turned to look at David. “You didn’t tell me that you were enlisting Killian for help.”

David looked up at her. “Yeah. Well, it’s just for this morning. I thought we could use his research skills with all the files that have been building up. He said he was free to do it. So…” He shrugged.

Emma watched as Killian made his way over to her. And she felt herself genuinely smile. He was a beautiful man, inside and out. And she knew that he cared for her. She cared for him as well. Everything that he had done to save her and her family did not go unappreciated. The reasons for why he did everything he did was also acknowledged.

But while finding that hint of love for her in his eyes, the niggling feeling remained.

He was going to the station to help with research and paperwork? Really? This is what the fierce and feared Captain Hook wanted to do with his day? And that’s when the doubt began to seep in again.

Killian came to stand at her side, his body so very close to hers without touching.

“This is Henry’s weekend with Regina, is it not?” he asked in a whisper, his mouth dipping over her ear. There was a hint of mischief in his words and he smiled at her.

Emma gave a mere shrug. “Um, yeah. She’s supposed to pick him up from school actually.” He was close. 

“Perfect!” Killian moved even closer to her, lining his body against hers. “Why don’t we do something… special, hm? Just the two of us?” The closeness felt stifling. 

Emma stiffened against him, hesitating for only a moment.

“Well actually I have all this work at the station to get through tonight. Everything’s really piling up down there and I promised David and myself that I would push through it this weekend. Beginning with tonight.”

“Well that is why I’ll be there to help this morning,” he reminded her.

David and his ideas screwing with her plans!

“And that’s great! But I’m sure what David has in store for you has nothing to do with all the work I need to get done.”

“It’s not that different, Emma,” David interjected. “In fact, with Killian there it will cut down on a lot of that extra work. You won’t have to pull those long nights this weekend.” He smiled in a reassuring way.

Emma threw him a look.

“In that case, with the extra… body, I can do some patrolling this morning instead of being in the office. How does that sound?”

“Well having Killian in the office was supposed to put us ahead of the game,” David said slowly, watching his daughter closely. “With you on patrol that leaves us where we started.”

Emma shook her head. “I’ll catch up on the work tonight. It’s no problem.”

“So, you’re going to pass up this golden opportunity to spend some- dare I say it- much needed one on one time with each other?” Killian sounded perplexed by her decision.

Emma offered a tight forced smile. “Duty calls?”

Killian took a step back, leaving this noticeable space between them now.

“I see.”

The small space between them felt like loosening bonds around her lungs, allowing air in enough to breathe. She had to get away from him. She had to get him to keep stepping back away from her. She had to have more room.

“Another night.”

Emma nodded her head. “Maybe another night.” She quickly turned towards David. “You know what? I left my apartment in such a hurry that I think I forgot something.”

“No problem,” David assured her, bending over the table to start gathering things up. “I’m just about ready to go. We’ll swing by your place first.”

“Umm.” Emma bit her lip. “I’ll just go myself, meet you guys at the station, and then get ready for patrol.”

David laughed. “The reason you came over this morning- other than to take a peek at your brother- was so that we could carpool. Emma, you’re defeating that purpose by leaving.”

Emma smiled. “You’re not riding in alone. You have Killian.” She turned to briefly look over at him.

It’s working, she thought to herself as she took in his demeanor. He seemed somewhat distant. Her heart did a flip-flop sort of thing, the emotional tug of this being right and this being wrong trying to decide on which should win the war.

Did her parents see it? Did they see the way his eyes became guarded and the way his mouth was turned down just the slightest bit. Did they see the way his hook moved in fractions back down to his side? Did they understand the shutdown that was happening?

This is right won out for the moment.

“Then I’ll see you guys in a bit.” With nothing else to say beyond that or beyond her thoughts, she only waved as she took her leave.


	2. Chapter 2

His eyes didn’t shine so bright anymore. There was a façade that she could see slightly through. Emma didn’t know exactly what it was that he was thinking, but she knew that the root of his issues came from her.

She had gone a whole week without having the dream. She attributed it to the fact that her plan was working: she was successfully putting space between them. She was separating herself from the man who would have eventually done the same to her.

Being sheriff allowed for a lot of her time to be accounted for when she really wanted it to. Being a single mom also helped. During the day there was always work to be done at the station or patrolling throughout the city. Okay, the biggest issue she’d come to face so far was breaking up the occasional fight at The Rabbit Hole. But it was still work.

Henry still liked to have that one on one time with his mom like he did when it was just the two of them in New York City. Well she didn’t have to twist his arm to help him with his homework, have dinner dates, or movie nights. He was all for it. Although he did occasionally ask about her, you know, boyfriend. And he did wonder why there was so many nights when it was just the two of them when they were finally back home with their families. Hm smart kid!

And Killian never pushed. He accepted it for what it was. There was always next time, he told her. But she still saw it. She still knew that it had to be sinking in that the distance wasn’t lessening but in fact growing. But he still smiled. Even when it didn’t reach his eyes.

Tonight at Granny’s Diner was no different. They were supposed to be in this relationship. But what patron could tell that It was her fault. But she thought she had been doing well. And then last night she had had the dream again…

A whole week! She thought that because of how well her plan had been going there would be no more dreams. But no such luck because last night…

_He was laying down on the bed, his legs dangling to the floor. ___

_She was watching him with a worried face. ___

_“What is it? What’s wrong?” ___

_When he head turned towards her she found anger in his eyes. His lips formed a single line of regret. ___

_“What’s wrong?” he asked, slowly sitting up in the bed. ___

_Emma took a step back. She wasn’t scared. She just didn’t understand what was happening. ___

_“What it wrong is this, Emma!” he yelled. “What’s wrong is this!” ___

_She didn’t have any words for that. She didn’t know how to fix it. So she just stood there, transfixed by the anger in his eyes. ___

_“What’s wrong is you!” Killian shot up to his feet and storms towards the door, banging it against the wall as he makes his exit. ___

_Emma winces at the ferocity of his words and his actions. ___

_See? It was all her fault. ___

***

Fingers slip between hers suddenly and it catches her off guard.

“There’s a full moon tonight, love,” Killian murmurs close to her ear. “I would love to share it with you.” He places a chaste kiss on her cheek.

“Killian, what are you doing?” she whispered softly eyes widening. “Chill out with the PDA.”

Killian shook his head. “P…”

“Public display of affection,” she explained absently.

Killian grinned. “You mean don’t let your dear old dad, who is sitting at the farthest end of the diner from us, see me place an innocent kiss upon your cheek?”

And it was innocent, she conceded. After their first kiss since coming back from the past, all the subsequent kisses had been full of wonderment and excitement. An exploration of something new and fresh. And now here she was complaining about a press of his lips against her cheek?

She glanced over at her parents. A night away from baby Neal and they were cuddled at a corner table, in what seemed to be complete adoration of each other. She was not on their mind at the moment, but she felt a pang of something when she acknowledged she could not have what they had. Not now.

Emma detangled her fingers from his. “Yeah, something like that.” She let her newly freed hand cover her mouth and a planned yawn. “I’m really tired.”

“Why don’t you come upstairs with me?” he whispered, a fierce gaze meeting hers.

Emma squirmed a bit. “I really think I need to get home. I have another long day tomorrow.”

Killian leaned back in the booth slowly. 

“Fine.” He reached inside his coat and pulled out the hidden flask of rum. 

That peaked her interest. His consumption of rum had dwindled quite a bit. He was found more occasionally with a mug or bottle of beer over the dark liquor.

Emma watched as he uncorked the flask and took a long swig. With a frown she couldn’t help but feel that it had something to do with her. 

A gust of air left his body and his eyebrows rose in a comical way. “I’m heading up to my room then. I’m done.”

Emma sat up a bit straighter. “You’re done?”

Killian’s eyes pierced through her. “Done for the night. I’m going to go home.”

Emma felt her heart sink with those words. He was going home to a bed and breakfast owned by Granny. If it had not been for her then he would be going home to his ship. Not some little room overlooking the Main Street of Storybrooke, Maine. And it only made her resolve strengthen. She couldn’t keep doing this. An end had to be in sight.

“Ok then,” she said firmly. “Good night.”

Killian stood up with a slight hitch. Stepping back from the table, he gestured with his chin for her to move as well.

“Emma” he muttered, throwing a glance in the opposite direction.

She turned to see what had caught his attention. He was looking back at her parents.

“Come here.”

Emma looked back at him, seeing his gaze had hardened. And he took yet another swig from the flask.

She only hesitated for a second. What could he possibly want with her?

As she stood up, Killian stepped back to give her room to step out of the booth. And then he was back on her, his chest pressed hard against her side.

“Something is amiss, Emma” he murmured into her ear. “Something has changed. In you. I don’t know why.”

Now? Right now he was saying something? In the fully packed diner? With her parents just feet away from her?

“What do you mean?” It came out as a whisper. She felt a small start of her heart. And she watched him take a long drink from the flask.

“You know better than I do, love.”

When his eyes met hers once again, she saw something different than what she believed she would have. His quiet demeanor and words seemed hard. A harshness that came from a place of being fed up. But what she actually saw was a sadness and an emptiness in those eyes. And it tried to break her into piece after piece.

“I think… I just need to… go home.” And she needed to stay firm and not quake under those eyes that she wanted suddenly to turn loving again and not hurt anymore.

Killian watched her for a moment before giving a terse nod. 

“Good night then, Emma.”

That flip-flop thing. Only this time it was leaning heavily towards this is wrong.

Without thinking about it anymore, Emma placed her hands onto his chest as she reached for his mouth in a kiss.

It was only supposed to be something quick. Some chaste peck, but on the lips this time. But there was this heat. This undeniable force that made her linger there in the kiss.

It was when his arm wrapped around her back that she stiffened and broke the kiss.

“Gotta go.”

This time there was no pretense to her leaving. This time she ran out of there and away from him. 

It was the only answer she had for her befuddled mind and heart.


	3. Chapter 3

The knock on the door worried her. Really, was all she could think as she headed to her apartment door.

She tried to prepare her heart for the shock. Only to be shocked for another reason.

“What are you doing here?”

“I was worried about you so I had to come check up on you.”

Emma sighed as she stepped aside so that her mother could enter into the apartment. 

“You have a small baby at home and you came to check up on your fully grown daughter?” she asked sarcastically. 

Mary Margaret waited until Emma was facing her before she answered.

“Yes,” she answered with all of the brightness that was Mary Margaret. 

Emma frowned. “And weren’t you on a date?”

“It’s over. And you need to talk.”

Emma gestured towards the living room. “Have a seat.”

Mary Margaret followed her out of the entranceway and into the living room.

“We… saw you tonight” she began. And when Emma turned around to look at her she continued. “You and Killian at Granny’s.”

Emma stared at her. “You were watching us while you were on your date?” She laughed. “Why?”

“Because you’re our daughter and we saw that something was wrong.”

Emma raised an eyebrow at that statement. “And what was that?”

Mary Margaret’s eyes blinked as she studied the floor in front of her. “I don’t know Emma, but I want to.” She looked back up at her. “What is going on between you and Killian?”

Emma sighed. “Really?”

“Yes, really.”

It was a moment of reflection for Emma. She didn’t know what to say to her mother. She didn’t think that she would ever understand. Not Snow White, who had her Prince Charming. Even if things started off rocky for her parents in the beginning, once established they have that true love thing all figured out.

That wasn’t the case for Emma. Not at all.

She looked at her mother. “It’s me.” Then she shook her head. “And it’s him. And it’s everything. And it’s nothing.”

“Mm sounds like a lot,” Mary Margaret said softly.

She felt the need to unburden herself. It should have been to him, but it couldn’t be him. She had to let this go.

Emma gnawed at her lip for a moment as she watched her mother, unsure of how to continue. But sure that she had to have more than her dreams as an outlet for what was bothering her.

“I… can’t… do it anymore,” she whispered, watching Mary Margaret for understanding. “I can’t continue… being with him anymore. Not like this.” She shook her head. “I can’t.” It was as much for Mary Margaret as it was for herself. She just couldn’t continue when she felt so torn.

Mary Margaret just stared at her in disbelief.

“Emma?” she questioned her, giving a slow shake of her head.

Emma met her gaze with a defiant head-strong look of her own.

“What?”

“Killian… gave up his ship for you,” she said, trying to drill it into her head. “He literally gave up everything. For you.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” Emma squealed out. “He gave up everything just to get back to me.” She gasped, trying to take in a deep breath. “And I don’t know if it was worth it, Mary Margaret.”

“Why would you…?”

Emma shook her head emphatically. “I don’t know if I’m worth it.”

Mary Margaret’s eyes never wavered from hers. But a small crease in her brows showed her concern.

“Emma, you are worth it.”

Emma’s eyes filled with tears, nearly brimming over. “I. Don’t. Know. Everyone has… left me. Nobody has cared enough to stay.”

“We have to move on from that,” Mary Margaret told her quickly. “We cannot change the past. Nothing is going to change the fact that we sent you through that wardrobe to give you a life not being cursed along with everyone else. Nothing is going to change the fact that, for twenty-eight years we were separated from each other. But,” she reached for Emma’s hands and held on, giving a firm squeeze, “we are here now. Together. And all we can do is live in the moment and cherish what we now have.”

Emma let her eyelashes fall to her cheeks, letting the tears stream down her face.

Hands came up to cradle her face. “Emma?” Her mother’s voice was heart-achingly soft. “Do you think we would leave you?”

Emma shook her head. “Not you.” She frowned through her closed eyes. “That’s not the same. We are family. I know when you sent me away in that wardrobe it was because it was really the only option you had. I forgive that. I understand that. And me and Henry staying here when the curse sent you all back was a consequence we all undertook. And it wasn’t forever.”

She opened her eyes to see the concern slightly drifting away from Mary Margaret’s face and was being replaced by love.

Emma smiled back at her. “I know that you will never leave me, Mom. And even if we are ever separated by distance you will always love me and be there for me.”

“And Killian?” Mary Margaret asked in a whisper.

Emma placed her hands over her mother’s and removed them from her face. 

“Killian is not the same as you, David, Henry, or Neal,” she answered firmly. “It’s not the same.”

“He loves you, Emma.”

“Unconditionally?”

“Yes.”

“You can’t just say that!”

“Yes, I can! I know.” Voices had risen for a moment. Mary Margaret chose to bring her voice back down to a whisper. “He is not going anywhere. And you are worth everything he has to offer you and so much more.”

Emma’s eyes darted all over her mother’s face. She looked so assured, so confident in what she had said. Was it true? Did he really love her unconditionally? Could she really trust all this to be real and not fleeting?

Her shoulders slumped as she gave way to a convulsive cry. 

Mary Margaret was quick to take her in her embrace, holding her tight and whispering comforting in her ear.

“Emma, Emma. It’s okay. It’s okay to feel everything you’re feeling. It’s ok to think things out and be sure for yourself. It’s okay to question his love for you when you come out on the other side knowing completely that this is real and true and you deserve it and you are going to have your happily ever after.”

Emma listened to her mother’s words. She knew them to be true. She knew that she was right. And as her mind played over the countless moments she’d shared with Killian since the moment she met him, she let the words interweave with those moments.

And the pit of despair and doubt began to seep away from deep inside her. 

“He does love me.”

“And you’re worth it,” Mary Margaret drilled in again. She pulled away from her to meet her eyes. “You have to talk to him, Emma. Let him know what you have been dealing with. If anyone should be able to take your worry away about why he is here and how long he wants this to last then it would be him.”

Emma scrubbed her face with her hands as she nodded.

“You’re right,” she murmured.

“Emma?”

She looked back at her mother.

The concerned look on Mary Margaret’s face slowly turned into something endearing. 

“You deserve everything you want in this life, Emma,” she told her softly. “Happiness doesn’t always come easy. But you have to go after it like anything else in this world. So go after it, Emma. Be happy.”

Watching her mother’s reaction to her own words to her was a powerful moment.

“I’m really lucky to have you,” she told her.

“I’m really lucky to have you.” She held on to her daughter as she placed a kiss on her forehead.

Emma closed her eyes and silently thanked whoever for all that she had.


	4. Chapter 4

It was on her mind. It wouldn’t leave her mind. It was on the tip of her tongue. It was on the very urge of spilling out.

Emma surveyed the small kitchen of her apartment as she sat at the table. She watched Killian intently as he stooped over to load the dishwasher. 

She didn’t _need _a fierce and ruthless pirate to make her happy. In fact, his sweet and vulnerable side allowed for her to be that way with him. It was the best of both worlds. In him, she had someone she could lean on. He was a shoulder to help burden the heavy weight that was always thrust upon her in her role as savior. And she could admit it: the pressure she put on herself just because she was Emma Swan.__

Killian’s ability to push her to find her own strength was another amazing accomplishment. It wasn’t that she had no confidence in herself before him. It was just that he was so good at getting her to confront herself and believe that she was an incredible person inside and out.

It was because of him that she was able to be the person that she was at the time. It would have happened one day. She had an incredible family, she knew. But Killian was a silent force that was undeniable. Except on those occasions when volume spoke volumes, she thought with a smirk. He fought with her and for her constantly and without disregard. Her pirate. And yet she still doubted him….

_He loves you _. Mary Margaret was right.__

_I love you. _He said it in so many ways. He showed her every day.__

Emma believed it. She just needed to know something else that was just as important.

Killian was wiping down the counter. He had eased into Storybrooke life without much upheaval. He took to this new world with open curiosity and eagerness. He was so good at adapting to obstacles. He was not the only one who was adjusting to this realm. There were many who were brought back to Storybrooke via the last curse. But it was always intriguing to see the way he accepted the new customs and lived in this world. It had also left her unsettled on too many occasions.

Emma watched as he continued to clean up the small kitchen after their dinner. A small smile crossed her face because he was so much the consummate neat freak. An adorable quality, she admitted, that made her conscious of her own tidiness.

“Is this enough for you?” 

It slipped out. She had wanted to say it strongly. She had wanted to say it with confidence. And yet it came out as a soft whisper. 

Her eyes flew to his. 

Killian had stopped his scrub down of the counter and gazed back at her.

“Sorry, love?”

She took a moment. They had to have the conversation. Her mother was right: he would be the only one who could swing her one way or the other.

She placed her hands, which had previously been clasped together under the table, flat on its surface.

Killian took in her demeanor. 

With a lift of his chin in her direction, he asked “Are you ready to talk now?”

That caught her off guard. “What does that mean?”

He leaned against the counter as he studied her from the small distance between them.

“I’ve been on pins and needles waiting for you to say something, Emma” he confessed. The façade crumbled as his head turned down to the floor. “I don’t know what it is, but it doesn’t leave me with the most positive of outlooks.”

Emma stood up quickly. Her sudden burst of adrenaline ceased quickly. She wanted to stand right in front of him. But her feet stayed planted the five or so feet away from him.

“What is it?” he asked her, his eyes squinting.

Emma licked her lips. Then she repeated her question. “Is this enough for you, Killian?” And she was content with the amount of strength beyond her words.

“Is what enough?” he asked, shaking his head in complete confusion.

Emma’s eyes went wide as she threw her hands into her chest.

“Me,” she whispered. And, be damned, that sudden and utter vulnerability that crept up inside her was enough to make her sick. She fought the urge to turn away from him. “Am I… _enough _… for you?”__

She could visibly see him swallow and there was a glint of something predatory in his eyes. 

“I can think of no way you could suit me better,” he answered in his silky seductive lilt. 

Emma only let it affect her in the tiniest of bits, her body betraying the rest of her.

“I’m serious,” she said firmly. “Don’t you miss it? Miss the Jolly Roger? The adventure? That life? Is _this life _enough for you?”__

“That is what this is about?” he asked, his eyebrow once again rising. “Is that why you’ve been pushing me away? Because you think that this is not enough for me?”

“If it wasn’t me then it would have been you,” she said simply.

She saw the set of his jaw as he looked upwards. 

“God’s above, woman.” His eyes narrowed down on her. “After everything we’ve been through? And you make the assumption that I’d walk away because I cannot accustom myself to this world?”

“It’s not that,” Emma said with a frown. She stepped closer, diminishing the space between them. “Why can’t you just tell me?” Her arms wrapped around herself. “Give me an answer. Because I’m standing here, struggling!”

And he grabbed her, pulling her body flush against his. “You are enough for me,” he whispered fiercely. His lips crushed against hers, kissing her hard.

It felt punishing, his lips and tongue invading her mouth, taking from her. But it felt needed. The fierceness of his caring for her. The feeling of possessiveness was overpowering. Her hands slid up his chest as she kissed him back with the same about of desire.

Killian’s arm wrapped around her waist tightly. He lifted her from the floor, swung around, and sat her down on the counter all in one swift move.

His lips moved from her and trailed wet kissed along her cheek, her neck, her shoulder, her chest.

“Gods, you are all I’ve ever needed,” he muttered in between kisses. “How could you ever doubt that?”

Emma’s mind swam, his mouth making her dizzy. His lips on her skin, the significance of his words. Her fingers sought and found his hair, gripping tight and just holding him close. She needed this. She needed him so bad.

“Everything I’ve been through,” she whispered. “Every _one _. I’m not sure.”__

Killian’s trail of marking territory pause and he met her eyes.

‘I’ll say it again. I’ll say it as often and as much as you need me to. Emma, you are enough for me. I wouldn’t want to go back to my old life and not have you. Don’t you know what you’ve given me?”

Emma just stared at him, mesmerized and just wanting him to say it.

“What?”

“You’ve given me something I’ve not had in such a long time,” Killian whispered. His hand and hook roamed her body, but his eyes stayed focus on her gaze. “You’ve given me love. Something I didn’t know if I was ever capable of having again. You’ve given me family. Yours is mine, love. I wouldn’t know this feeling of acceptance and appreciation if not for you. You’ve given me a place to call home and you’ve given me stability.”

Emma swallowed hard, her eyes clouding with tears. His words rang true. She knew he meant everything he said, as his roam over her body continued.

A small frown creased his brows. “Am _I _enough for you, Emma?”__

“Yes,” she answered quickly. Because it was true.

“Do you believe me?” His arms wrapped around her waist, holding her tight.

“Yes.” And her thighs gripped his hips, her legs wrapping around his waist. The feel of him this close combined with his words were driving her senseless.

Killian grinned. “Good.”

She offered him one of the smallest of shy smiles, embracing the lift of negativity from her heart, mind, and soul.

“But,” Killian said, his body stiffening, “I do want more. And I will have it.”

Emma’s head quirked to the side. “What more do you need? I want you to be happy. I don’t want you to ever settle.”

“Is that a promise?”

She knew she should be wary by the glint in his eyes and that devilish grin on his face. But he was making her so happy right now.

“I promise.”

“Then you will marry me one day, Emma Swan,” he said gravely. 

And she gasped in surprise, not expecting that request.

“You will be my wife,” Killian continued, unwavering. “And you will help me grow our family by birthing a baby of our own.”

Emma didn’t know that he could possibly have surprised her this much in this instance.

“You promised,” he reminded her, smiling.

She nodded. “I did.”

***

It was in bed, much later, that she let her mind drift again. He made her so happy. Why did she ever have to lace any thoughts with such doubt when this man was so good at sharing himself with her?

“Domesticity,” she said as she thought about him and his time here in her world. Emma’s hands slid over his bare back as he lay atop her, their bodies connected though disconnected. “At least you make it _look _good.” She smiled up at him.__

Killian shrugged nonchalantly. “Well, next to you, how could I not?”

He made her so happy! And as she kissed him with everything inside of her, she wondered if she could let herself always know that. She wondered if the dreams could ever really cease and she take their life for what it was.

God, she hoped so. Because she wanted to share in those big dreams of his. And the only way it could be possible is if she truly let herself believe.

Wel _l, she thought to herself, _this is a good place to start _.___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was my first attempt at both angst and a multi-chapter fic. This was a story that was stuck in my head since the S3 finale, and I just hope I did it some justice.  
> Thank you so much for taking the time to read it!


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